June 2010

Progress!!!

I was able to slightly get back on track this month thanks to a few things...

One -

Margaret and I signed up for Weight-watchers. I know that most of you who know my wife will know as well as I do, that she did not need to lose any weight... as it turns out, her goal was 5 lbs. She has lost 8 lbs and is on her way to a "lifetime" status with them... that means that she will be a lifetime member of weight-watchers so long as she does not gain anymore than 2 lbs of her "goal" weight! I am so proud of her... she has done way better than me.

In the meantime, the people at weight-watchers suggested that I meet with my physician to establish a "goal weight" that is healthy... I am not on any of their charts. I have done pretty good so far... I have lost about 7lbs - unfortunately that was all in the first week, and I think it was in part due to the fact that I realized diet soda was "zero" points... so I switched and dropped some good weight that first week. I have not done so well with the "point counting" since, but it has been a tremendous support to have Margaret doing the program with me... not only is she setting a tremendous example... but she is more careful about what we eat for dinner and lunch and is more aware of what I need to be avoiding. We have much "healthier" snacks in the house now.

Two -

My backyard workouts have been helping as well. There is something to be said about manually shoveling 10 tons of gravel in 90 degree plus heat! To be honest... I have had to shovel more than that since I had to move one of the 5 ton piles only to shovel it again down a shoot to the yard level! I have about 3-4 wheel barrel loads left... but not to worry... I need more, and I am going to have to shovel and wheel barrel the next load around the garage to the back yard... yippee! Not to mention that I have about 15-16 tons of compost waiting for me in the dead end next to our house. Some of you may think I am exaggerating those numbers, but I calculated the amounts by the cost per ton at the dump and the stoneyard... I wish I were exaggerating, but I am not. I also have to manually backfill all the retaining walls once they are built, which to be honest... I was hoping to be much further along by know. Part of the problem was that once I excavated our backyard, I realized just exactly where Sandy City got its name from... "SAND" and I mean lots and lots of sand!!!!

I will post some pictures so you can see, some of the sand is fine enough to be used in CJ's future sand box!

Setbacks for June -

Stress - still working on curbing this. The job hunt is not helping. There is just nothing out there right now, so things are getting tighter and tighter... which is creating more of this weight preventing agent!

Sleep - or I should say the lack thereof (witnessed by the time of this posting), I have not slept well for weeks. This is a double edged sword, it makes me so tired and exhausted the next day that I am not as productive in the yard, which leads to more "stress" and then leads to more "no-sleep" this is a vicious cycle, one that I am seeing a counselor for, and am hoping to turn around... but it will take time.

I will post some more photos, I am glad that I lost weight this month... that is a definite improvement!

Bear

Current weight - 290 lbs

For those that might be confused - Weight-watchers weighed me in at 297, I think I transposed last months weight of 289.. it should have been 298! Still hoping to get to my year long goal of 2 lbs a week... about 30 lbs behind that goal... but am taking it one pound at a time.

May 2010 -

The journey continues -

I have had a roller coaster the past few weeks, but am on an upswing of new inspiration. I am getting more and more aware of how "stress" effects your weight loss. I have gone through a myriad of emotions since getting laid off from my Construction job in March, but am now realizing more than ever how much the "stress" of that job and all the travel were contributing to my struggle. I still have a long ways to go, but depression and anxiety are also issues that are contributing to what I am learning is a "food addiction." I have for most of my adult life battled with my weight, but am just now realizing how much of this is related to other psychological issues in my life. The good news here...

EXERCISE!!!!

This is a natural stress relief activity, and something that I don't do regularly enough. I am looking into some calorie trackers and exercise logs to try again to make my efforts more public and hence make me more accountable. I am in counseling for the psychological issues, which I am learning more and more about everyday. The key to overcoming them is knowledge and understanding of them. If I can recognize what is triggering the behavior's in my food addiction, then I think I have a better shot at overcoming it. My wife has agreed to join Weight Watcher's with me, this will be a HUGE help as far as working on the nutritional side of things.

I am in school at SLCC and have applied for admission to the U for fall semester, these will also help me build my confidence back as well. I know that while I am pursuing my education, I can also pursue some courses on healthy habits as well. I am looking forward to the opportunity to be a full-time student, this is a reality that is becoming clearer and clearer with each week that goes by. I have sent out hundreds of resumes, and on a weekly basis get emails from companies all over the country thanking me for interest in their company and telling me they will keep my resume on file. The reality in today's job market is there are hundreds of applicants for each position, and companies are only interviewing or looking at the applicants that meet all of their specified criteria. I know that I have good experience and a lot to offer, but I don't even get a chance to sell myself, because I cannot make it past their "database purge" of applicants.

I am using the summer as a time to "organize" my life... working on goals, working on organizing my schedule, working on organizing my home (this is a tough one with two little one's "de-organizing" my efforts, working on organizing the garage, the office and the basement... there is something to be said about the age old line... "cleanliness is next to godliness"... I am somewhere down in the "telestial" level on the organization chart of godliness... and I don't think I am going to make "celestial" anytime soon... but the effort is what counts. To be completely honest... I just want to be able to find something when I go looking for it, instead of taking 10-15 minutes just pondering on where I think I might have put it or used it last... then spending another 10-15 minutes looking in that area, only to eventually give up and head off to Home Depot to buy another one! I usually find the original tool in the next few days, in a spot where I would have least expected to find it!

So this new motivation - we got new shirts at Sports Authority... one of the associates tried on my size...3XL and it drowned him... he said that thing is going to be HUGE on you. I sort of looked at him and thought... you really don't know how big I am do you? I at the time was wearing a 4XL from the Big and Tall store, and was praying that Tommy Armor made their shirts big! Lucky for me they did, the triple X fit, fairly comfortably, but the reality that I was wearing the biggest shirt they make and that it is the size of a bed sheet... kicked me into gear again. I also have three co-workers that want to do the P90X workout program with me! I am also posting some of my favorite "digger" photos from our backyard.. that show how the camera can pack pounds on you...

That is my post for May... I have a long ways to go to get back on track with my 2 pound a week goal... but I am confident after watching the Biggest Loser Finale on TV that I can do it by the end of the year... but I am going to need some "emotional help"... hope all of you that are following my public thoughts on weight loss are up for it!

The shear size of me in some of these photos is embarrassing... and I am fully clothed! I cannot believe how "thick" I am if you will... but the return of the double chin in the one photo with CJ made me cringe, since it is such a cute photo of him. I truly want to over come this weight problem, because I want to be there as a husband and father for my lovely wife and two beautiful son's... they deserve a father that does not get out of breath going up and down a long flight of stairs.

Vices this month that proved to be continuing weaknesses:

Fast Food - McDonald's, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Cafe Rio, Costa Vida, Alberto's (I have eaten at all of these places this month)

Soda - I am on average back to one 16 oz. bottle of Pepsi every shift at work... and sometimes two if it is a long shift

Late Night meals and no sleep - I come home from work and "veg-out" in front of the TV which keeps me up until Midnight or so... which only translates to more Pepsi the next day because I am tired.

Small Victories Tally -

I did workout 6 times this month at the gym! I started packing my workout clothes and going straight to the gym after a shift that ends at 10 pm.

I did drink more water - I did have some days at Sports Authority where I did not buy any Pepsi! although it was not a majority, this was a victory to drink water instead of soda

I did start working on updating and reviewing my yearly goals - this is a big one actually - I always set goals from December to January of every year, but then never review them again until the next year when I review them and realize how many of them I had not met... which usually depresses me and leads to ice cream and TV watching!

Thanks for reading my weight-loss journey, and I look forward to reporting good positive weight loss next month.

Current weight - 289 lbs.

No progress photos... didn't want to gross any of you out!

Quick summary -

February -

Went backwards instead of forwards. I spent 3 of the 4 weeks traveling around the West looking in on Job-sites for work. The "small" victories here were that I actually ate pretty well, the small losses here were that I packed my gym clothes, but didn't get a chance to use the work-out facilities at any of the hotels I was at.

March -

More regression, but I started to link my "stress" to some of my weight loss problems. It is strange to me that stress causes you to gain weight and one of the biggest "stress-relief" activities is EXERCISE!!!! DUH. You would have thought I would have figured that out a long time ago, but nope, just learning it now. Did get the "stress" problem solved though... walked into my Senior Director's office for a meeting, and walked out without a job. Funny, that would be really bad news for most, and I will admit, there have been some down sides to it... but as the weeks have passed, it has turned out to be a huge relief.

April - (so far)

Steadying the ship.... I was able to put a hault to the regression, and an upside to being unemployed is that you have a lot more time to workout. I am still getting into a routine, but now I am realizing that as I look more and more at the real possibility of going to school full-time, my bike is going to get a lot more use!

Weight-loss should be fun, if all you are ever thinking about is the "pain" of the process, you will never follow through, you have to concentrate on the "end-goal" in mind... for me that is having the confidence to do the things that I used to love doing and not feeling embarrassed in your own skin. Life has a funny way of tossing you to and fro, but you need to keep your focus on what you need to do to keep yourself on track... there are a lot more people counting on you than you can ever imagine.

Those are my thoughts... let the journey continue.

Bear

Progress weight: 297

How the Journey Starts!

So far I am on track, I am trying to keep myself focused on the weekly and monthly goals. I have twice weighed in under my 10 pound goal for January... unfortunately, I have also regressed back a few pounds. I am within striking distance and need to push hard this last week of January to hit the goal strong for the month of January.

Victories -

I sent a text to Margaret just a last week and said "you would be proud of me... I am at Carl's Jr." you can only imagine how her heart sank to read those last two words! It was the next text that made her proud... "I ordered a salad!" That is a victory, a small one, but a victory none the less.

So far this month, I have made it to the pool twice, and started walking again at work. Although this has not been as consistent as I would like, they are victories.

I have made a conscious effort to eat healthier, I also have Margaret (my loving wife) to thank for this as she has continued to encourage and help me by making sure I eat more vegetables.

Losses -

I am still eating out WAY too much! This is a double edged sword, because even though I have seen some victories in some of the choices I have made at these restaurants this month, it is also putting me in an environment that is riddled with risk of bad choices for me.

I am not working out as consistent as I need to be... I need to get some patterns going and stick with them.

I need to find some other outlets for "stress-relief" this will help tremendously since food tends to be my crutch, or drug.

Overall, it has not been a bad start. I feel upbeat and encouraged. I am once again below the 300 pound threshold, which is nice... but several times this month as I thought about the goal for the year of 10 pounds a month and realized that was 120 pounds for the year... I caught myself doubting my ability to achieve that. I honestly cannot remember the last time I weighed less than 200 pounds! I think it was early high school at best... that has been a long, long time. I have to be careful not to get caught up on that... it can make the goal seem "unreachable" it shouldn't be... but psychologically that is how it effects me. I know at this point that 2 and a half pounds a week is reachable... that is what I have to drive for. Whatever happens at the end of the year will be what it is... for now I am going to focus on...

2-1/2 pounds a week...

Need to eat more salads this week!

Bear

I was watching the latest season of the "Biggest Loser" on NBC and I realized that there was a lot of wisdom to what Bob and Jillian were recommending...

EMBARASS YOURSELF!!!!

They kept preaching during the first couple of weeks that you need to weigh-in, in front of all your friends and family. I never really thought of doing this, but it makes sense... once you put yourself out there, you realize exactly how the camera makes you feel... it motivates you to GET UP and start doing something, instead of just talking about it!

I have struggled with weight my entire adult life... I cannot recall a time when I didn't have a "gut" - This is something that I am realizing that I HAVE to change. I am watching my little boy's grow up so fast... and I want to be there for them, I want to be a good husband and Dad to them. But in order to do that, in order to love them to the fullest extent, I have to love myself first. I have used food as a comfort "drug" for a long time, and I have a serious food addiction. I love conveince food... fast food... finger foods... fatty foods... you name it... I love it, I love food. But what I have come to realize is that this "love" of food is going to kill me... literally, and it will take me away from the ones I love the most.

Every day I carry around this extra weight, I am shortening my life span... I am wearing out my body at an alarming rate. I do not have any obesity diseases... but I am borderline on just about everything... If I do not get this under control and keep this in check, my boy's will not have a Dad to run and play with.

Recently we have a close family friend that has begun a fight against Cancer in his life... this has made me ponder how precious every moment is with our family. I do not have any major diseases, but I am pledging $2.00 for every pound I lose this year to Cancer research. I know my struggle is nothing compared to his, but I am doing this because he has inspired me to cherish every moment of life we have... for we never know when our time is up.

I weighed in on January 1st at 306 pounds... Holy crap... I am one big fella!

My goal for the year is to break this weight loss campaign down into manageable chunks... so I am shooting for 10 pounds a month, which equates to approximately 2.5 pounds a week. I hope that this blog will give me an opportunity to share my efforts with others and be a format for me to inspire and help others on their same journey towards weight loss. It is not easy to do it alone, and I hope to develop a network of friends to help support me and give me an opportunity to share, support and help them as well.

Let the competition begin...